A woman of modest needs

I believe that I have finally lost my mind, although a good indication that one hasn't quite lost one's mind is that one is aware of said mind losing. That being said, this evening I saw an advertisement for a washing machine that washes 16 PAIRS OF JEANS AT THE SAME TIME. And yes, such a feat of modern engineering is indeed worthy of ALL CAPS. The advertisement showed jeans sort of swirling in an ocean all sunny and blue and happy. In spite of myself, I felt warm and fuzzy all over because nothing makes me quite so happy as clean laundry.

Now, it behooves me to say that this in no way is to be interpreted to suggest that I enjoy the actual act of doing laundry because laundry goes right under cleaning toilets and dealing in any way with garbage as "things that I will never, ever do, never not even if I was the last person left on earth and I was on my last clean pair of underwear." So, really, I was fantasizing about the 16 jean washing machine on behalf of Mr. Lemony Lemonade as I have deluded myself into believing that Mr. Lemony Lemonade really enjoys doing laundry when the real truth is that I am a big, fat, awful, horrible, lazy person who was poorly raised - so really, let's be honest, it is my parents' fault that I don't do toilets, garbage or laundry because all of these things are basic life skills that they were obliged to ingrain in me before I was able to decide for myself that they are detestable tasks.

Neverthelss,while watching the commercial, it all came very clear to me; it's not that I don't like doing laundry, I just haven't had the right equipment. Who wants to do laundy in a bog standard, white, top loading machine that washes maybe, on a good day, 3 pairs of jeans when you could be doing laundry in a sleek, front loading washing machine that washes 16 PAIRS OF JEANS AT ONE TIME. I do believe, I really, really do believe that I would do laundry in such a special and awesome washing machine. Never mind the obvious advantages of such a machine including the fact that if it washes 16 regular person pairs of jeans, it obviously could wash at least 150 pairs of toddler jeans, which would mean that laundry would only have to be done once every two or three months.

Having mulled the whole thing over for a total of 1.5 minutes, I am officially putting a washing machine that washes sixteen pairs of jeans on my Christmas List...right after a chauffer driven Prius and a really deep, spa bathtub. In fact, buying me a washing machine that washes 16 PAIRS OF JEANS for Christmas would be a very good way for my delinquent parents to make amends for producing such a deficient and feckless daughter.